finally let go…

it has been my third night here in ormoc and i could say i am actually having fun…

right now, im in an internet cafe with my barkada…

we just had some shots of rh…

mmmm….

hows my stay?

fine…fine…

ahmmm…

actually, last last night, i wasnt really fine…

u know why?

ayel and i had dinner together…wel, it wasnt really planned…he said that was his bday treat for me…

we talked about stuff…

at first, i wasnt so comfortable talking to him…i guess i still had that fear of what i might feel…

but as hours passed, we became more comfortable with each other…

and we reached the point of talking about our lovelives…

i said i was happy with mine…

and he said he is already serious with his…

i did not expect the kind of feaction i had…i was hurt…so very hurt…

when he said he has already fallen in love with that girl, i could help but feel the world on my shoulders…i think i was able to hide what i felt…hopefully…

he kept talking and talking about that girl…

and my heart kept bleeding and bleeding…

it was painful, yet it was true…

so i told myself…

"what the hell are you waiting for?! let go of the memories you sentimental bitch! yes you had great memories but those were lies…just let go and act as if they never happened!"

and so i did…

that night, as i sat beside him, staring at the sea as the waves slapped the shore, i finally was able to let go…

it was all worth it…

alas!! our stage play "brooklyn" for lit3 finally ended…and everything ive done was worth it…

we won the "best stage design" award…and it’s just so heartwarming that all the backpains on bringing to life the concept of of a sidewalk ended up great!

im glad that our efforts didnt just go to trash…

ammm…i feel so proud of my work! puede na ko mag fine arts! heheh!

but of course it wouldnt be that nice without collective effort, diba?! thanx sa bs math block nga way libog…

aw naa diay usa…as usual…that wierdo…

while everyone was busy cleaning up, he suddenly screamed!

"it’s just that everytime i call for attention, nobody listens to me!!", he said.

of course, who would listen to his nonesense question when everyone’s attending to something WORTHWHILE… [do i mean what he's doing is not worthwhile? well...you judge..]

ahh…i guess things cant be perfect…and people too…

well…lets drop that wierdo thing…

i was stressed…now…im still stressed but my happiness dominates my stress!

amm…i really got jealoused with ara…she wrote thier play…and it was so amazing! and i felt more depressed with being a comsci stud…grrrh! writing is my passion…thats what i want to do with my life…and it seems so far away still…argghhh!

evryone’s sleepless…

defense karon sa comsay projects sa ako mga klasmets…obvious kaayo ila ka.sleepless…hehehe…mga warla kaayo ug dagway…heheh…

last minute debbuging…

lost files…

missing groupmate…

what would happen worse than this?!

arrgghhh!

bisan wa koy labot, i can still feel the pressure…

comments on their projects?!

ila aileen kay cute…lingaw kaayo ang anime-inspired snake and ladder…

ila kent kay ganahan ko sa dama gane…nindot ila presentation…hehehe

c jam kay gisapot…hehehe

c aaron sad, gisapot…heheh…

wa ko kita ila marife…

nya c "crush"?!

crush gihapon…hehehe…

hahay…mahuman na ang sem.. dugay nasad cguro ko di makakita nia….

nah ambot nako oi…

basta MURAG hapi ko nga MURAG dili..

evryone’s sleepless…

defense karon sa comsay projects sa ako mga klasmets…obvious kaayo ila ka.sleepless…hehehe…mga warla kaayo ug dagway…heheh…

last minute debbuging…

lost files…

missing groupmate…

what would happen worse than this?!

arrgghhh!

bisan wa koy labot, i can still feel the pressure…

comments on their projects?!

ila aileen kay cute…lingaw kaayo ang anime-inspired snake and ladder…

ila kent kay ganahan ko sa dama gane…nindot ila presentation…hehehe

c jam kay gisapot…hehehe

c aaron sad, gisapot…heheh…

wa ko kita ila marife…

nya c "crush"?!

crush gihapon…hehehe…

hahay…mahuman na ang sem.. dugay nasad cguro ko di makakita nia….

nah ambot nako oi…

basta MURAG hapi ko nga MURAG dili..

so very confused…

ive been walking all around…my feet are tired…yet i still dont know where im heading…i think im lost…im walking towards nowhere…somebody tell me where to go..v.

i have been living my life the way i want it to be…enslaved by the devils of this world…but the devil is just so inviting…it offers something that would perhaps make me happy…perhaps, i repeat…

coz i really dont know what happiness is…

is it having friends chatting with you?

is it having a boyfriend to hold you?

is it having a family?

what?!!

somebody tell me…pls…

i went to church this morning and the pastor’s message seems to strike me right through my heart…he said that i should not live the way i want but the way according to God’s will…

but what is God’s will for me?

im standing broken and confused right now…is this God’s will?

the pastor said i have to follow God’s will…how can i follow something i dont have a single idea about?!

arggggh!

monthsary?!?

is dis wat u call monthsary? im alone… grrhhh…!

pisti bayah oi…nah ambot..di nalang ko magpadayon ug suwat kay naay mubasa sa ako likod…grrrh nimo kent!

shiT!!! i cant eXplain myself!

i am broken…

but why?

everything seems so right…

but why?

im still broken…

my life…

i dont have one…

do i?

shit!

where is everyone?

im here…

hanging…

falling…

dying…

those eyes…

ive seen those eyes again…this morning…and i cant help but fall deeper…i know this aint right coz itll just make things more complicated…but why is it wrong when it feels so right?bullshit realistic cliche…!

everytime i he is near, i cant help but feel so ovrwhelmed by mixed emotions…

i just cant understand what it is with him that he makes me feel this way everytime i look at him…

he just touched my hair…and whats the big deal?! why did i feel a shuder in my spine?!

see how he drives me freakin crazy?

i just wish everything would stop except the both of us spending time together…just a wish…i know itll never come true…

hey _ _ _ _ ! just wanna tell you i love staring at those eyes…

those cute eyes…

being eighteen…

yahhh…todays my birthday…im 18…well…im happy…[am i?!?] i guess…i hope so i am happy…what happened today??

mmm…i thanked God i was still able to wake up and feel the difference of a 17 year old to an 18 year old…actually, i cant find a difference…

mmm…my friends greeted me…ai2x sent a message at exactly midnight…yanski followed…then i dont remember the order of others…mmm…there was kent…nikki…jude…cyber…venus…sylvette…aileen…sagabays…

speaking of sagabay…they gave me 18 red roses…sheila gave me 3 white roses last night…stacy added another white rose…

roses…i really appreciated receiving them…i was so overwhelmed with my sagabay bros and sis…thanx guys!for making my day special…

mmm…c john?

he came so so so late…long story why…i already thought my birthday was shit because john did not show up…good thing he did…and i didnt curse for being born today…mmm…but spongebob saved my tears…hehehe…

[ i just cant understand why he didnt give me a single rose...what the hell was the big deal of buying a cheap rose to brighten up my day?! ]

today is actually something to remember…not an ordinary day…but there’s still something missing…i just cant figure out what that something is…mmmm….arggghh!

anyway…i know the time will come when il be able to discover that something i want…as of now, il just livefor the moment and try to enjoy what God has in store for me…

il just see what happens next…