im pregnant..
it’s not that easy to say it..
but yeah.. im pregnant..
there’s a 2 month old baby living in my womb..
the feeling is cant be explained..
i’m wishing the gestation will be finally over so i can give birth to the my angel..
he or she doesnt have a name yet..
still thinking it over..
Uncategorized | Comment (0)when somebody gets left behind..
hey! i just thought maybe i could exercise my writing again.. i always get this into my mind when i get so filled with emotions that i..(even after 12 months of talking my ass out).. couldnt figure out another way of expressing myself other than writing..
lately, this feeling of BEING LEFT BEHIND has been making me shed tears every now and then..
my team at work is slowly breaking down..
one was transferred to another team, another one is transferring to another branch, and worst, one is leaving overseas..
i knew this would come..but not too soon..
then just tonight, i came to the wake of the dad of a very close friend.. the fact that your loved ones may perish anytime at God’s command, and we don’t have control over it.. how a simple day could turn into a dramatic and painful witnessing of death..
i’ve seen it in movies, i’ve read it in books and magazines, but tonight it came from the very mouth and heart of a friend..
it then came to my mind, what if that happens to me?
what if someone leaves me behind and never shall return?
i don’t think i’m ready for it yet..
not now..
:’(
Uncategorized | Comment (0)how things have been going..as of july 18 — 12:40 am
a call center agent..
taking calls from people who can hardly understand the word "proration" as well as REFUSING to understand that the reason why their bill ran up to $200 in a month is because of their 15-yr old daughter sending 100 text msgs a day for $0.20 each.
it has been so damn stressful..
10 months and counting…
it’s such a fulfillment that i have survived in a job of sitting 8 hrs a day and talking on the phone.. i thought i’d have this only as something to do while taking the time off from college..
many things have chnged.. the people i miNgled with…some of them are almost strangers now..
that girl i treasure the most.. that cute angel.. she seems out of reach..
those guys i sit with in class are not even visible..
i lost some friends but i gained new ones..
i know u know my old friends.. u may be even one of them reading this blog.. now let me tell you about my friends..
1. a rastaman, who sleeps maybe around 3 hrs a day. (im just guessing though).
2. a grown man, who actually may have not really grown from being as childish as his 11 yr old daughter..
** 1 and 2 are my kapatids by the way..
3. a boss, who is not acting like one but a friend.. who can feed my kapatids and me at karen’s.. or at da vinci’s.. or jobee.
4. a childish woman, who sometimes i cannot comprehend the sweetness..
5. the others.. who i donnot mean to offend if they are not in the list because im running out of patience typing from this hard-headed keyboard.. heheheh..
NOW, MY QUESTION IS.. how long will they be in my life? how many of them will still be on the list 2920 hours from now..?
im praying no one leaves again.. though i know that may not be possible because nothing stays permanent..
i understand and believe that LIFE IS SUCH A CONSTANT CHANGE AND NOTHING STAYS THE SAME..
Uncategorized | Comment (0)what if the fragile heart gets tired?
what if the fragile heart gets tired?
what if it’s just oh so broken that it cant seem to fight back any longer?
Uncategorized | Comment (0)i’m back to this again..
writing my heart out..
it’s been a little long since i last did this.. i’ve been exhausting myself in talking to those stupid people who find it so hard to understand a simple phone bill.. damn!
do i still know how to write?
i mean do i still know how to express myself poetically? or literally?
it seems that this job i have now took me away from my life..
it’s so abnormal…
sleeping all day..
working all night…
well and good if i get 6 straight hours of sleep.. but most of the time, i end up waking up 30 mins before my shift with a very mean headache! argghhh! it’s so tiring to wake up everyday and the very first thing that comes in mind is.. "i so hate this!" ..
but i’m left with no choice..
well..actually, i do have another choice other than this..
guess what?
that is staying at home with no income.. being an out-of-school .. a lame lame so lame being an out-of-school..
so what?
that’s why i landed in this "thank you for calling" job while waiting for my turn to get that prestige of getting a college diploma from UP..
haaaaayyy..
Uncategorized | Comment (1)hangtod kanus-a man ko masakitan?
just when i thought i had one of the greatest times of my life..
with you and your family..
shiT!
she came into the scene..
how awful could it be??
very very awful..
well.. i’ll try to deliver the good part of the story..
feb 1, 4 pm..
gisugat tamo sa pier with your nanay and tatay.. i was about 30 mins late.. anyways, sori for that..
moving forward..
nangadto tag robinson’s.. suroy2x gamay.. then waited for anne to get our from work..
nangadto ta sa new bhaws ni anne..
(adlib: ngano mubalhin diay xa? gibayran na unta nao iya 2mths advance..pero that’s ok.. i respect her decision)
then nangadto tas ako bhaws.. where you met my boyfriend.. medyo awkard ang scene.. pero i guess were able to hadle it..
then nangadto ta ayala.. naghuwat sa imo cuzn..
nag lakw2x pa ani ta bitbit sa mga bags para ibilin sa courtesy booth pero close na diay.. hahaha!
(adlib: imo mama kay hadlok diay ug escalator noh? heheh)
then nisakay napud tag jeep padulong talamban..
then the last ride for that night was a habal2x ride..
mabaw kaau na reason for me to be happy– why? i’d rather keep it to myself..
finally, we arrived at ate ibek’s house..
then ate dinner..
lami to ang humba bah..heheh
aysa murag gikapoy na kog type dah!
hmmm..
basta aftr dinner, nag storya ta sa gawas..
i asked you: have you ever promised someone someting? kanang imo jud gi hold-on to?
u said.. you might have promised me something..
of course you did..
a lot..
but one promise that i held on to is — "you’ll be special for me forever" …will that ever be fulfilled? you dont even remember saying it..
hahay..
while you were talking to me that night, i kept wishing it would be forever..
and i kept asking myself– "why you’re so special despite all the hurt i’ve been through with you? why am i still trying to be near you when i know it always boil down to me being hurt? and why should i be hurt?"
argggghh!
i could hardly sleep that night..
the next morning..
feb 2..
one of the happiest mornings of my life..
it felt like home..
feelings aside, your family is so nice..
i wished i had faily like that.. and i cant even find a reason why i did..
it just felt so pleasant to be withn their proximity..
before lunch, i took a nap..
and damn!
i had a dream..
we were in an island with all the people aroung us.. your family, my family, your girlfriend, my boyfriend..
but they all left the island..
we were left alone..
i slept on your shoulder..
a few moments after that, i died in your arms..
kkoorrnny..
argggghhh!
pag mata nako, naka ilis na ka.. then taud2x nanlakaw ta..
gi bilin tikag ayala kay naligo ko.. then nangadto tag sto niño.. we were listening to the novena while waiting for the mass to start.. but then, you changed your mind..
we went out of the church para managkot..
after that, i started observing you acting so wierd..
abi pa naman nako ug manlaag pa ta..
then it came out that SHE arrived..
fuck!
kasakit!
huhuhuh!
ang2x naman ug pug ngan tika, diba?!
so sige.. utong ko kadali while waiting nga muadto na ka niya..
then, i stopped walking and bid goodbye..
my gosh!
i felt how transparent i was even tough i tried to hide it..
that’s the worst and most painful "OK LANG" i’ve ever uttered..
you even tried to reach out your hand..
bullshit!
that grip will never be mine..
and DAMN HER!
DAMN HER COME HERE..
why didn’t she just leave me alone.. to spend time with you..??
bullshit!
nagpalayo na gani ko sa ormoc to keep beng hurt, ngano nianhi paman jud xa?!?!
why can’t she wait for you to come back to ormoc..?!?!
arggghghg!
why does she keep messing around with my happiness?!?
grace.. someday.. i’ll deal with you..
ayel.. hope you’re happy despite what happened yesterday..
Uncategorized | Comment (0)Alfonso…!
is this the end of my idolatry?
i cant watch PAROKYA NI EDGAR’S concert tonight..
waaaaaahhhhh!!!!
now that they’re just a walk away from my house, i cant come..
waaaaaahhhh!!!!
damn it!
Uncategorized | Comment (0)argggghhhh..!
this is the worst torture! i’ve been waiting for 365 days for them to visit cebu’s yearly Sinulog Festival..
but guess what?!?!
i cant come!!
argghghgh!
i have work tonight at nine pm..
i was thinking of trying to get permission to go on half day..
but another problem came…
now, i seems so impossible cuz something not so nice happened in my job..
i got an incidence report trying to falsify that i was held up..
hahayyyy..
i cant believe this is happening..
i wish i could be who i used to be..
happy go lucky and care free..
Uncategorized | Comment (0)just when everything’s ALMOST okay…
arggghh!
just when i thought i was over you..here you are again..trying to get into this fragile heart of mine..
:’(
Uncategorized | Comment (0)~~ a song for YOU ~~
Be still my heart
Lately its mind is on it’s own
It would go far and wide
Just to be near you
Even the stars
Shine a bit bright i’ve noticed
When you’re close to me
Still it remains a mystery
Anyone who seen us
Knows what’s going on between us
It doesn’t take a genius
To read between the lines brad: ohh
And it’s not just wishful thinking
Or only me who’s dreaming
I know what these are symptoms of
We could be in love
I ask myself why
I sleep like a baby through the night
Maybe it helps to know
You’ll be there tomorrow
Don’t open my eyes ohhh
I’ll wake from the spell i’m under
Makes me wonder how tell me how
I could live without you now
And what about the laughter
The happy ever after
Like voices of sweet angels
Calling out our names
And it’s not just wishful thinking
Or only me who’s dreaming
I know what these are symptoms of
We could be in love
All my life
I have dreamed of this
But i could not see your face
Don’t ask why two such distant stars
Can fall right into place